Crows and Climate Change

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: A gentle snow falls on a scenic country side. CROWS talk off panel.

CROW 1

You know that feeling you get when squirrels hide copious amounts of acorns in your tail feathers because you’re frozen to the ground and they’re still sore about that time you got them arrested in the park?

CROW 2

That’s strangely specific.

Panel 2

CROW 1

Squirrels, not strangely, are jerks.

CROW 2

Pass me an acorn, I’m feeling peckish.

Panel 3: Snow is getting deeper.

CROW 1

It’s snowing more than usual this year.

CROW 2

That’s climate change for you.

Panel 4: Snow continues to fall. CROWS talk off panel.

CROW 1

Bah! Climate change isn’t real.

CROW 2

Not true.

Panel 5: Snow is getting deeper.

CROW 1

Okay, maybe it’s real, but it’s natural.

CROW 2

Closer.

Panel 6: Snow is piled high on the roof of a nearby house. It continues to fall. CROWS talk off panel.

CROW 1

Okay, humans have made it much worse, but there’s still nothing to worry about.

CROW 2

Almost there.

Panel 7: Snow is falling relentlessly. CROWS are now complete buried in snow.

CROW 1

We’re all going to die.

CROW 2

You made it!

Panel 8: Panel is completely white with snow. CROWS can not be seen, only heard, from beneath the snow.

CROW 1

We’re already dead, and all this snow is a construct of our dying brains easing us into the eternal void.

CROW 2

That would explain all the squirrels.

Crows and Natural Selection

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: Two CROWS are perched on a tree branch.

CROW 1

How long have we not had thumbs?

CROW 2

Since a little after the Therapods, I guess.

Panel 2: The CROWS take flight, leaving the tree.

CROW 1

Natural Selection is such a buzzkill.

Panel 3: The CROWS fly silently at a distance, Trees reach into the sky beneath them.

Panel 4: The CROWS continue their flight.

CROW 1

We could have been 5 stories tall!

Panel 5: As the CROWS fly, suburban rooftops come into view amongst the trees.

CROW 1

Fierce predators, devouring cave men!

Panel 6: The CROWS land on the peak of a roof.

CROW 1

Abolishing bourgeois property through common ownership of production!

Panel 7: Close up of CROWS.

CROW 2

Hold on. That last one was Communism, not Evolution.

Panel 8: The CROWS remain perched on the roof peak.

CROW 1

Is there nothing dinosaurs couldn’t do?

CROW 2

Surviving meteor impacts seemed to be a weak point.

Crows and the Zika Virus

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: CROWS sitting on a RAIL FENCE.

CROW 1

Cough. Cough.

CROW 2

What’s with the cough? Are you sick?

Panel 2: Close up on a MOSQUITO, flying into the BEAK of CROW 1.

CROW 1 (voice over)

Well, I didn’t want to worry you, but I ate a mosquito earlier, and now I’m pretty sure I have Zika and I’m going to die.

MOSQUITO

?

Panel 3: Close up on CROWS

CROW 2 (not believing this)

I see. Who told you that?

Panel 4: CROW 1 looking at a BROWSER WINDOW with the header ‘Sketchy Web Doctor’.

CROW 1

I Googled it.

Panel 5: Silhouette of the CROWS sitting on a RAIL FENCE.

CROW 2

You do realize the Zika Virus is primarily a concern only to pregnant women and Olympians - and here’s an important point - not at all by birds?

Panel 6: Close up on CROW 1.

CROW 1 (really worried)

Oh really? Then why do I feel so lousy?

Panel 7: Close up on CROW 2.

CROW 2 (this is stupid)

I don’t know, maybe because mosquitos are gross, and when you eat gross things you feel sick.

Panel 8: Silhouette of CROWS sitting on a RAIL FENCE, staring at each other. CROW 1 is considering that maybe CROW 2 is right.

Panel 9: CROWS eating a ROADKILL LUNCH.

CROW 1

Ohmygawd! I’m cured!

CROW 2 (sarcastic)

It’s a miracle.