Spa Daze

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: A seemingly limitless space. GIANT EGGS float in an unseen grid formation above a dark floor, far into the distance.

Panel 2: CRACK!! ROBOT’S LEG breaks through one of the eggs! Shell falls everywhere.

Panel  3: ROBOT sits, breathless, on the floor beneath the GIANT EGG he just escaped from. He’s surrounded by EGG GOOP and shell bits.

Panel 4: FRANCIS wanders in, with a GIGANTIC SQUID THING on her head. She’s enjoying a SMOOTHIE through a VERY SQUIRRELLY STRAW. She is very relaxed.

ROBOT

Where have you been?

FRANCIS

Hot squid massage. Smoothie Bar. You?

Panel 5: The dark nothing between time and space.

ROBOT (Voice over)

I awoke lost and alone - traversing the dark nothing between time and space. My younger self showed me all the ways we could avoid this inevitable future, and we laughed and laughed. Then I lost $200 playing billiards against the Horseshoe Nebula, ate a light lunch, and took a short nap.

Panel 6: ROBOT and FRANCIS retire to the SMOOTHIE BAR.

ROBOT

It was narrated by Morgan Freeman!

FRANCIS

Cosmic Spa Day is the best spa day!

Stress Distress

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: EXT., DAY, SNOW PLANET. ROBOT and FRANCIS, terrified, hide behind a boulder. Vicious ZOMBIE SNOW BEASTS look everywhere for them.

FRANCIS

I’m fairly certain this excursion is taking years off my life.

ROBOT

Really? Which years, do you think?

FRANCIS

Beg pardon?

Panel 2

ROBOT

I read this very scientific study that said stress, while already universally disliked for being an all-round jerk, can also travel through time and space to affect any part of your life.

Panel 3

ROBOT

For example, your stress from these Zombie Snow Beasts is transmitting through time and space as we speak. It might travel backwards, and be the reason you felt sad and alone for two weeks in the farmyard paddock as a young lamb.

Panel 4: A diagram shows how the stress from the ZOMBIE SNOW BEASTS could potentially affect FRANCIS throughout her entire life, traveling back in time to make her sad in the paddock, or possibly traveling forward and killing her with a heart attack tomorrow. Several unrelated moments in FRANCIS’s life are also labelled on her time line: birthday, electric fence (yikes), hay bail concussion, meets Robot, angry crow incident, and space piranhas.

Panel 5

ROBOT

Or it might travel forward and kill you with a heart attack tomorrow. This is why stress doesn’t get invited to any fun parties.

Panel 6

FRANCIS

This universe is really stupid. I want my years back!

ROBOT

Not to worry, I’ve got just the thing.

Panel 7: Robot pulls out two very large blaster gun things. CATHARSIS! RAY™ appears above them, as the ZOMBIE SNOW BEASTS are now aware of them.

Panel 8: ROBOT and FRANCIS blast all of the ZOMBIE SNOW BEASTS with the CATHARSIS! RAY™ blaster gun thingies.

Panel 9: More blasting.

Panel 10

FRANCIS

I feel ten years younger!!

ROBOT

That’s probably radiation. These things are not safe at all.

Support System

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: SPACE. A dirty smoke trail careens toward a cube shaped ALIEN PLANET. CRASH!

Panel 2: ROBOT and FRANCIS stand near their ship. FRANCIS is wiping her hands on a RAG. They are surrounded by nondescript BOXES, stacked high into the sky.

FRANCIS

The phlang-o-tron is on the fritz. I fixed it, but it needs be replaced.

ROBOT

Good work! Let’s get out of here - these boxes are giving me the heebie-jeebies!

BOX

I earn a root beer float for good work!

Panel 3: ROBOT and FRANCIS freak out at the unexpected voice.

FRANCIS

Who said that?!

ROBOT

Gah! All these boxes have people trapped in them!

Panel 4: The PERSON IN THE BOX explains.

PERSON IN THE BOX

We’re not trapped! We just work and live in these tiny boxes until we die, or until we are no longer valuable to the system.

Panel 5: ROBOT and FRANCIS examine the stack of BOXES, while considering the argument by the PERSON IN THE BOX. ROBOT leans on the box they are talking to.

FRANCIS

That doesn’t sound like you’re NOT trapped.

ROBOT

Also, it looks like you all are just supporting the guy on top.

Panel 6: Sitting atop the tall stack of boxes is an OBESE CAT-LIKE CREATURE in a TOP HAT. It’s far too large to be sitting on such a narrow tower of boxes.

PERSON IN THE BOX

No, we’re all equal! I mean, he gets paid more, and has a nicer view, and controls the root beer float box, but…hey, is my box moving? HEY!

Panel 7: ROBOT stumbles, as the BOX he’s leaning on slides out of from under him.

ROBOT

Uh oh.

Panel 8: STACKS OF BOXES topple to the ground. ROBOT and FRANCIS run for their lives!

FRANCIS

RUN!

Panel 9: ROBOT and FRANCIS fly away from the planet in their SPACE SHIP, as the PLANET falls into ruin.

Panel 10: ROBOT and FRANCIS, safe aboard their SHIP, enjoy ROOT BEER FLOATS.

FRANCIS

Lucky for us the root beer float box fell right into the ship as we were running for our lives!

ROBOT

Good work!

The Secret to Great Adventure

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: ROBOT is pulling MUTANT SPACE PIRANHAS off his head. Nondescript debris floats nearby.

ROBOT

A friend once told me the best adventures come unexpectedly. Spontaneity, she said, is the secret to great adventure. She was eaten by a Three Legged Gullfinch on Bleacher 9. Tragic, but not unexpected.

Panel 2: FRANCIS describes their current predicament.

FRANCIS

I bet your friend never survived a school of Mutant Space Piranhas who ate her space ship, only to get hopelessly stranded on the Screaming Rock Heads of Jibber Jabber, moments from crashing into the centre of the hottest star in the galaxy.

Panel 3: ROBOT and FRANCIS sit atop one of many Screaming Rock Heads of Jibber Jabber, all careening through space toward the hottest star in the galaxy. There are a couple MUTANT  SPACE PIRANHAS still floating about, and lots of SHIP DEBRIS.

Panel 4: ROBOT and FRANCIS, heading toward the HOTTEST STAR IN THE GALAXY.

ROBOT

Her loss. Speaking of impending death, do you think it’s last minute enough to implement my heroic plan to get us out of this harrowing ordeal?

FRANCIS

Planned escape! That’s the real secret to great adventure!

The Meaning of Life

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: ROBOT and FRANCIS search an alien landscape for something unknown. They seem quite determined.

Panel 2: Beautiful wild flowers surround them. It’s a very nice planet.

Panel 3: Their search ends in a stunning valley. Towering before them is the goddess CHAKKA OF AKONG. She is surrounded by swirling magic.

Panel 4

FRANCIS

Great Goddess Chakka of Akong, your wisdom knows no bounds! We are humbled to be in your presence!

ROBOT

We seek guidance!

Panel 5

CHAKKA OF AKONG

My knowledge is as deep and as wide as the Universe is infinite. What do you desire? The meaning of life? The secrets of the universe?

Panel 6

ROBOT

Nah, something much more important. We need directions to Galaxy Joe’s House of Noodles!

Panel 7: CHAKKA OF AKONG isn’t impressed with this request. Not even a little bit.

CHAKKA OF AKONG

Are you asking me, an immortal, all-knowing, higher being, for restaurant directions?!

Panel 8

FRANCIS

To be fair, they have the best noodles, and our map app couldn’t get a cyberweb connection out here.

ROBOT

Hold on Francis! I got a signal! Galaxy Joe’s - first left past the Gummy Nebula. Let’s ride!

Panel 9: CHAKKA OF AKONG is completely baffled by this entire chain of events.

CHAKKA OF AKONG

What is happening right now?!

Panel 10: ROBOT and FRANCIS blast off into space, once again on the trail of, apparently, lunch.

Panel 11: GALAXY JOE’S, home of the gigantic noodle bowl.

FRANCIS

What did she mean when she said she’d erase us from this plane of existence?

ROBOT

I don’t know, but it’ll be reflected in her Goddess review. 1 star. Short tempered. Would not idolize.

Robot Fixes the Engine

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: ROBOT is floating alone in space. Stars flicker. He’s tethered to the ship, which is off panel.

ROBOT

Space is such a lonely place…

Panel 2: Somewhere inside the ship, FRANCIS is holding a space helmet, which is full of plants.

FRANCIS

I’d be out there with you if you hadn’t used my helmet as a terrarium.

Panel 3: ROBOT, still floating in space. FRANCIS can be heard over the ship communicator.

ROBOT

…and so very complainy.

FRANCIS

Just fix the engine.

Panel 4: ROBOT is pulling technical looking stuff out of an open hatch on the top of the ship. FRANCIS can be heard over the ship communicator.

ROBOT

Try it now.

FRANCIS

Nothing.

Panel 5: ROBOT is now head first into the hatch, still pulling stuff out of the ship. FRANCIS can be heard over the SHIP COMMUNICATOR.

ROBOT

How about now?

FRANCIS

Nope.

Panel 6: ROBOT floats down into the engine room. It’s huge, and complex.

ROBOT

Whoa! The engine is bigger than I thought!

Panel 7: ROBOT taps on a gauge on the wall. A MYSTERIOUS FIGURE addresses him off panel.

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

Cuppa cake?

ROBOT

No thanks.

Panel 8: The MYSTERIOUS FIGURE is a giant BUG! ROBOT confronts the BUG.

ROBOT

Ack! A bug!! Get out! Get out!

BUG

But, yum! Yum!

Panel 9: ROBOT forcibly removes the BUG from the engine room. The BUG floats off into space, yelling about yummy cup cakes.

ROBOT

And! Stay!! Out!!!

BUG

Creamy cheese icing!

Panel 10: Meanwhile, somewhere inside the ship, FRANCIS discovers a cable unplugged from a wall receptacle.

FRANCIS

Oh! The engine was just unplugged!

Panel 11: FRANCIS, having solved the engine problem, is visibly proud. ROBOT, having just exerted way too much effort for no discernible purpose, couldn’t care less.

FRANCIS

I fixed the engine!

ROBOT

Great. Have a cupcake.

Robot Blames the Universe

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: ROBOT and FRANCIS run for their lives across an alien landscape. It’s mostly giant mushrooms, and rocks. ORB SHAPED ROBOTS are in hot pursuit, shooting deadly laser beams at them. ROBOT is holding an original iPod for a reason not yet revealed.

ROBOT

This isn’t my fault.

Panel 2: FRANCIS slides down a giant mushroom.

FRANCIS

Really?! You just got caught stealing their sacred idol!

Panel 3: ROBOT runs away from the giant mushrooms, toward a rocky outcrop.

ROBOT

Well, yeah! It’s a thousand songs in your pocket!

Panel 4: ORB SHAPED ROBOTS are relentlessly in pursuit.

Panel 5: ROBOT and FRANCIS run into a huge cavern.

ROBOT

Everything we do is the result of events that occurred long before we arrived.

Panel 6: ROBOT and FRANCIS hide behind a large rock in the cavern. The cavern is a dead end. FRANCIS returns fire with her laser pistol. ROBOT picked a lousy time to examine strange glowing rocks.

ROBOT

Events that stretch back to the start of the Universe. Outcomes are unchangeable!

Panel 7: FRANCIS’ gun jams. Things are looking bleak. ROBOT has succeeded in creating some kind of ramshackle device using the iPod, and some of those glowing rocks.

ROBOT

At least, that’s what the dumb universe would have you believe. Hold on to your woolies!

Panel 8: ROBOT and FRANCIS have teleported to the top of the cliff. Their space ship is close by, and ready to go.

DEVICE

Teleport complete!

FRANCIS

UGH! Your daring escapes should come with dire warnings.

Panel 9: ROBOT and FRANCIS speed away from the planet in their space ship, miraculously surviving this adventure.

ROBOT

So the universe could take all the credit for my selfless heroism?! Never!

Robot and the Echo Chamber

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: ROBOT and FRANCIS in their SPACE SHIP, observing something off panel.

ROBOT

It appears to be some kind of sentient bubble.

Panel 2: Pull out to see their small SHIP next to a giant BUBBLE.

ROBOT

Whatever we do, let’s not get sucked into it.

Panel 3: Same as panel 2, except they get sucked into it. Sound effect: SHOOP!

ROBOT

Aw, crap.

Panel 4: ROBOT and FRANCIS are inside the BUBBLE. They are confronted by very happy looking CLONES of ROBOT. There is a POP! sound effect as more CLONES appear seemingly out of nowhere.

ROBOT

Ack! Who are you?

CLONE 1

We’re your tribe! Welcome to your echo chamber!

Panel 5: Close up of CLONE 1. More POP! noises in the background.

CLONE 1

You’ll love it here! We’re all the same, and completely impervious to view point diversity.

Panel 6: Pull out to frame ROBOT, FRANCIS, and CLONE 1 in the panel. Another POP! noise.

ROBOT

But I like counter arguments. They prove how smart I am.

Panel 7: The panel expands to see a bunch of the CLONES, all wearing the same UGLY VESTS. FRANCIS looks terrified, ROBOT has had enough. They are leaving.

CLONE 1

Being uninformed leaves us more time for our vests!

ROBOT

Aaand…I’m out!

Panel 8: Mirror of panel 3, except their SPACE SHIP is rocketing out of the giant BUBBLE. Sound effect: SPLOOT!

Panel 9: ROBOT and FRANCIS in their SHIP.

ROBOT (exhausted)

Being willfully stupid is just dumb.

Robot Solves the Water Crisis

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: ROBOT is showing his INVENTION to FRANCIS.

ROBOT

Good news, Francis! I solved the water crisis!

Panel 2: Close up of ROBOT and his INVENTION. Sound effect: CLICK!

ROBOT (sincerely)

This device will open a tiny fissure in space-time, allowing the abundant fresh water from pre-history to flow into the now! Watch this!

Panel 3: A gigantic pre-historic WHALE-like creature appears out of nowhere, with a moist POP! sound. ROBOT and FRANCIS are startled.

Panel 4: Close crop on the eye of the WHALE. ROBOT and FRANCIS lean in off panel.

ROBOT (angry)

Oh, great! Another special interest blocking scientific progress!

Panel 5: ROBOT and FRANCIS walking away from the WHALE. ROBOT tosses his INVENTION away.

ROBOT

Seriously, Francis - if I knew it would be hard I never would’ve bothered.