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Yearly Problems
January 31, 2021
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+ Transcript
Yearly Problems
Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid
Panel 1: Daytime in a nondescript back alley. CROW 1 stands on the edge of a DUMPSTER, while CROW 2 looks up from deep inside the large garbage bin. They are looking for lunch, and not having much luck.
CROW 1
I don’t think it’s fair that the hoomans blame the year for all their problems.
CROW 2
Wut?
Panel 2: CROW 1, now chewing on what appears to be discarded electrical wire.
CROW 1
Imagine you’re the year, going about your yearly business - changing seasons, renewing magazines, making babies, I don’t know…when suddenly, some hoomans elect a bad leader, start a pandemic, get a lousy haircut, and then blame YOU for all of it!
Panel 3: CROW 2 is head down in the DUMPSTER,
CROW 2
Well, it’s like my Mama used to say - “Blaming celestial mechanics for your problems is far easier than finding lunch in a hardware store dumpster.”
Panel 4: CROW 1 is now chewing on MATCHES. CROW 2 is entertained as the MATCHES light up, and drop into the DUMPSTER.
CROW 1
Too true. Oh, don’t try these stick things. They are not great. 2 stars. Do not recommend.
CROW 2
Oh! They light up. That’s fun.
Panel 5: The DUMPSTER catches FIRE, and the CROWS fly away in a big hurry.
CROW 1
ACK! Not fun! It wasn’t me! The year did it! Ha ha!
CROW 2
It’s the revenge of the stoopid year! Oh, why weren’t we nicer?! Ha ha!
Panel 6: The CROWS fly off into the distance, leaving a large PLUME OF SMOKE, and a raging DUMPSTER FIRE behind them.
CROW 1
Maybe if hoomans don’t like years so much, they should just stop revolving around the sun.
CROW 2
That WOULD make all their problems go away. But don’t give them any ideas.