Crows

This collection of comics contains stories about the characters known only as The Crows. The Crows are opinionated little avian jerks who never pass up an opportunity to cast feathery judgement on humans and our many, many, many faults. You’ll find them most days caw-cawing over not-so-fresh roadkill, stealing candy from children, and avoiding squirrels.

Pity Party – Page 4

August 12, 2021

Page 4 of 7. New comics pages will be uploaded as they are finished. All completed pages can be read together here.

Pity Party - Page 4. More horrors befall the cartoonist and his characters in his fantastical Ideas Room. Page 4 of 7.
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Pity Party - Page 4

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: ROBOT and the CARTOONIST are surrounded by SMOKE. THE CARTOONIST sees something move in the shadows.

ROBOT

I do smell smoke! EEK!

CARTOONIST

Something moved in the shadows…

Panel 2: Two sets of EYES glow from the shadows.

Panel 3: ROBOT and the CARTOONIST are confronted by MUMMY NINJAS!

ROBOT

Hey! Mummy ninjas? You wrote a mummy ninja story? Cool!

CARTOONIST (in fear)

Are we safe right now?

Panel 4: The MUMMY NINJAS speak!

MUMMY NINJA 1

We were a passing thought you had during a particularly boring math class in 1988! We’ve been trapped here ever since!

MUMMY NINJA 2

But now we can escape!

Panel 5: The chase begins!

MUMMY NINJAS

When you die-eee-eee-eee!!!

ROBOT

Why mummy ninjas? Why not fluffy bunnies?! Or throw pillows?!

CARTOONIST

I was 12!

FRANCIS (Caught off guard while putting out the fire)

Wut?

Panel 6: The GANG hides from the MUMMY NINJAS, and DEATH and CROW 2 show up. They are highly intoxicated.

DEATH

OMG! (hic) did you guys see the luau idea (hic) on level 42? Epic bbq!!

CARTOONIST (in disbelief)

You’re drunk?

CROW 2

Indubitably!

ROBOT

Any other horrors to tell us about, cartoon boy?!

FRANCIS (peaking around a corner)

I think we lost them…

Panel 7: Then CROW 1 shows up with more bad news.

CROW 1

Oh, good, I found you! We have a big problem!

DEATH

…the girl from ipanema…dooby-doo…

ROBOT

The raging fire, or the killer ninjas?!

CARTOONIST (still in disbelief that DEATH is DRUNK)

Are mai-tais meta physical?

FRANCIS

Killer mummy ninjas on fire would be okay…

Pity Party – Page 3

July 8, 2021

Page 3 of 7. New comics pages will be uploaded as they are finished. All completed pages can be read together here.

Pity Party - Page 3. The cartoonist and his characters investigate his Ideas Room. Page 3 of 7.
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Pity Party - Page 3

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: DEATH looks over shelves full of ideas related to his stories. He munches popcorn.

DEATH

Oh! Look at all the peculiar ways people die.

Panel 2: The CROWS look over shelves of ideas related to their stories.

CROW 1

Look at all the peculiar ways people live!

CROW 2

Judgement for days!

Panel 3: FRANCIS finds an entire room devoted to exploring the multiverse.

FRANCIS

There’s an entire wing of stupid space adventures!

Panel 4: The CARTOONIST and ROBOT investigate other shelves full of ideas. The IDEAS are represented by all manner of things - from BOOKS, to JARS to STRANGE UNKNOWABLE MACHINES. The CARTOONIST looks at a JAR that eerily looks back at him.

CARTOONIST

No one should see any of these. None of them are any good.

ROBOT (accidentally drops a fragile idea)

That’s not…Oh! Er, maybe not that one…

Panel 5: ROBOT and the CARTOONIST look at a huge PAINTING hanging on a wall. Only the bottom part of the painting can be seen, showing the shoes of a female person and a male person.

ROBOT

Who are these two?

CARTOONIST

They’re in a story I’m writing now. I don’t know if I can finish it…do you smell smoke?

Panel 6: FRANCIS runs down a corridor toward CROW 1. SMOKE fills the room. FRANCIS is in a panic.

FRANCIS

HEY! Did you start that fire?!

CROW 1 (definitely started the fire)

The squirrel ideas must be destroyed.

Panel 7: FRANCIS frantically puts out the fire with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER. DEATH and CROW 2 wander in, wearing SOMBREROS and drinking MARGARITAS. DEATH still has his POPCORN BOWL, but now CROW 2 is lounging in it.

FRANCIS

Where have you two been?!

DEATH (obviously been drinking)

We found a great idea for a Mexican cantina on level 12!

CROW 2 (very obviously been drinking)

$2 margaritaaas!

Pity Party – Page 2

June 17, 2021

Page 2 of 7. New comics pages will be uploaded as they are finished. All completed pages can be read together here.

Pity Party - Page 2. The cartoonist is forced into his Ideas Room by his cast of characters. It's a cavernous room, full of everything you can imagine. Page 2 of 7.
View Comic Transcript

Pity Party - Page 2

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: The CROWS are munching on POPCORN from the BOWL DEATH brought to the party.

CROW 1

When a cartoonist runs out of ideas, they always insert themselves into a story.

CROW 2

Classic hack move.

Panel 2: ROBOT pokes CARTOONIST in the belly, confronting him on the observation the CROWS just made. He doesn’t buy it.

ROBOT

Is this true? Are you out of ideas?

CARTOONIST

I’ve had some trouble lately…

Panel 3: DEATH, munching on his POPCORN snack, points at a door. It’s labeled IDEAS ROOM.

DEATH

What’s in this room then?

Panel 4: ROBOT pushes CARTOONIST toward the IDEAS ROOM.

CARTOONIST

I have a bad feeling about this!

ROBOT

C’mon! Let’s go see!

Panel 5: The IDEAS ROOM is a huge multileveled place, packed full of stuff. The walls are lined with shelves and artwork. The shelves contain all manner of things - from the normal. like books and jars, to the strange, like oversized fruit, and gigantic bugs. There are plants and trees growing everywhere, as well as a

large aquarium, a swimming pool, and a restaurant. Anything goes in here.

Panel 6

CARTOONIST

Nothing good ever happens here…

Pity Party – Page 1

May 24, 2021

Page 1 of 7. New pages will be uploaded as they are finished. All completed pages can be read together here.

Pity Party - Page 1. The mysterious and ghostly Black Dog nearly consumes the cartoonist, but he is saved by his cartoon characters at the last moment. Page 1 of 7.
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Pity Party - Page 1

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1 (title panel): Pity Party by Ryan

Panel 2: The CARTOONIST sits on his STOOL, with his back to his DRAWING TABLE. He looks sad. A large smoke-like creature, which looks vaguely like a BLACK DOG, hovers over him, and whispers in his ear.

BLACK DOG

Your art stinks.

Panel 3: The BLACK DOG coils closer around the CARTOONIST.

BLACK DOG

Failure.

Panel 4:

The BLACK DOG entombs the CARTOONIST. All that is left are his GLASSES, and his DEAD EYES.

Panel 5: Suddenly, ROBOT and FRANCIS THE SHEEP appear. FRANCIS holds a comical device: it appears to be part space gun, and part rotating fan. She blows the BLACK DOG out an OPEN WINDOW. ROBOT shouts to an unseen group.

ROBOT

WAIT! Hold it! Stop!

Panel 6: ROBOT demands answers. Only small, harmless remnants of the BLACK DOG remain.

ROBOT

What is going on here?!

Panel 7: The CARTOONIST, still sitting at his drawing table, is now surrounded by his creations: FRANCIS THE SHEEP, THE CROWS, DEATH, and ROBOT. DEATH is holding family-sized BOWL OF POPCORN.

FRANCIS THE SHEEP

It’s a pity party!

CROW 1

We’re all invited!

DEATH

I brought popcorn!

CROW 2

Yum!

Yearly Problems

January 31, 2021
In this comic, the crows discuss how hoomans blame the year for all their problems.
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Yearly Problems

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: Daytime in a nondescript back alley. CROW 1 stands on the edge of a DUMPSTER, while CROW 2 looks up from deep inside the large garbage bin. They are looking for lunch, and not having much luck.

CROW 1

I don’t think it’s fair that the hoomans blame the year for all their problems.

CROW 2

Wut?

Panel 2: CROW 1, now chewing on what appears to be discarded electrical wire.

CROW 1

Imagine you’re the year, going about your yearly business - changing seasons, renewing magazines, making babies, I don’t know…when suddenly, some hoomans elect a bad leader, start a pandemic, get a lousy haircut, and then blame YOU for all of it!

Panel 3: CROW 2 is head down in the DUMPSTER,

CROW 2

Well, it’s like my Mama used to say - “Blaming celestial mechanics for your problems is far easier than finding lunch in a hardware store dumpster.”

Panel 4: CROW 1 is now chewing on MATCHES. CROW 2 is entertained as the MATCHES light up, and drop into the DUMPSTER.

CROW 1

Too true. Oh, don’t try these stick things. They are not great. 2 stars. Do not recommend.

CROW 2

Oh! They light up. That’s fun.

Panel 5: The DUMPSTER catches FIRE, and the CROWS fly away in a big hurry.

CROW 1

ACK! Not fun! It wasn’t me! The year did it! Ha ha!

CROW 2

It’s the revenge of the stoopid year! Oh, why weren’t we nicer?! Ha ha!

Panel 6: The CROWS fly off into the distance, leaving a large PLUME OF SMOKE, and a raging DUMPSTER FIRE behind them.

CROW 1

Maybe if hoomans don’t like years so much, they should just stop revolving around the sun.

CROW 2

That WOULD make all their problems go away. But don’t give them any ideas.