You are viewing posts tagged 'crows comic'.

Yearly Problems

January 31, 2021
In this comic, the crows discuss how hoomans blame the year for all their problems.
  • + Transcript

    Yearly Problems

    Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

    Panel 1: Daytime in a nondescript back alley. CROW 1 stands on the edge of a DUMPSTER, while CROW 2 looks up from deep inside the large garbage bin. They are looking for lunch, and not having much luck.

    CROW 1

    I don’t think it’s fair that the hoomans blame the year for all their problems.

    CROW 2

    Wut?

    Panel 2: CROW 1, now chewing on what appears to be discarded electrical wire.

    CROW 1

    Imagine you’re the year, going about your yearly business - changing seasons, renewing magazines, making babies, I don’t know…when suddenly, some hoomans elect a bad leader, start a pandemic, get a lousy haircut, and then blame YOU for all of it!

    Panel 3: CROW 2 is head down in the DUMPSTER,

    CROW 2

    Well, it’s like my Mama used to say - “Blaming celestial mechanics for your problems is far easier than finding lunch in a hardware store dumpster.”

    Panel 4: CROW 1 is now chewing on MATCHES. CROW 2 is entertained as the MATCHES light up, and drop into the DUMPSTER.

    CROW 1

    Too true. Oh, don’t try these stick things. They are not great. 2 stars. Do not recommend.

    CROW 2

    Oh! They light up. That’s fun.

    Panel 5: The DUMPSTER catches FIRE, and the CROWS fly away in a big hurry.

    CROW 1

    ACK! Not fun! It wasn’t me! The year did it! Ha ha!

    CROW 2

    It’s the revenge of the stoopid year! Oh, why weren’t we nicer?! Ha ha!

    Panel 6: The CROWS fly off into the distance, leaving a large PLUME OF SMOKE, and a raging DUMPSTER FIRE behind them.

    CROW 1

    Maybe if hoomans don’t like years so much, they should just stop revolving around the sun.

    CROW 2

    That WOULD make all their problems go away. But don’t give them any ideas.

Thirds 4

November 25, 2020
In this comic, the crows have second thoughts about breakfast.
  • + Transcript

    Thirds #4

    Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

    Panel 1: Morning, street curb. 2 CROWS pick food from GARBAGE BAGS.

    CROW 1

    This is the worst cotton candy I’ve ever had!

    CROW 2

    That’s a bag of dryer lint.

    Panel 2: Beat. CROW 1 considers this new information, while CROW 2 continues picking DRYER LINT from the GARBAGE BAG.

    Panel 3

    CROW 1

    In that case it’s pretty good.

    CROW 2

    Hints of oak and licorice, with a shiny polyester finish.

Thirds 2

October 23, 2020
In this comic, the crows discuss how to manage living in the world today.

  • + Transcript

    Thirds #2

    Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

    Panel 1

    CROW 1

    The world is on fire.

    CROW 2

    Have you thought of a way to save it?

    Panel 2: CROW 1 is standing on a big bag of marshmallows, holding a marshmallow roasting stick.

    CROW 1

    Not exactly.

Magical Thinking

September 30, 2020
In this comic, the crows discover that squirrels are real, whether you believe in them or not.
  • + Transcript

    Magical Facts

    Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

    Panel 1: Voices come from a tree, in an old churchyard. It’s the CROWS.

    CROW 2

    Hey, is that the squirrel that’s got it in for you? It looks angry.

    CROW 1

    I don’t believe in squirrels, so it can’t hurt me.

    Panel 2: CROWS are conversing on a tree branch. CROW 2 is only half listening, more interested in the SQUIRREL farther up the tree, and off panel.

    CROW 2

    It’s carrying a lot of acorns for such a tiny animal.

    CROW 1

    In fact, I don’t believe in anything inconvenient, difficult to understand, or harmful to me.

    Panel 3: CROW 2 continues to watch the SQUIRREL with some interest.

    CROW 2

    Oh, wait, his friends have come to help him. That’s nice.

    CROW 1

    Global pandemic, climate change, facts, squirrels. None of it exists.

    Panel 4: CROW 1, who was also only half listening to CROW 2, finally clues in.

    CROW 2

    Oh! You should probably move.

    CROW 1

    What? Why?

    Panel 5: But it’s too late. The unseen SQUIRRELS bombard CROW 1 with acorns, knocking him out of the tree.

    CROW 1

    Ow! Ow! Hey! Ow! Stop! Ow! Oh! Hey! Er! Oof! Hey! Ow! Stup- Ow!

    Panel 6: CROW 2, unharmed by the previous onslaught, calls down to CROW 1, lying in great discomfort on the ground below.

    CROW 2

    Good thing squirrels don’t exist, or you’d be in a lot of pain right now!

    CROW 1

    Stupid squirrels! Stop suppressing my beliefs!

It Must Be Tuesday

June 25, 2020

In this comic, the crows have opinions of little importance on our apparently imminent self-destruction.

  • + Transcript

    It Must be Tuesday

    Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

    Panel 1: CROW 1 and CROW 2 sit atop a light pole. Below, people demonstrate with signs and chanting.

    Crow 1

    The hoomans are fighting again.

    Crow 2

    Oh, good. I like the colourful signs.

    Panel 2

    Crow 2

    What is it this time? Inequality? Climate change?

    Panel 3: The CROWS fly out of the city, and into the country.

    Crow 2

    Religion? Unemployment? Police brutality?

    Government corruption? Systemic racism?

    Poverty? Political polarization?

    Panel 4

    Crow 2

    Education? Healthcare? Discrimination?

    Panel 5

    Crow 1

    Yes. They’re very ambitious.

    Crow 2

    I hope they find time to fit in a nap before burning their society to the ground.

These Times

April 29, 2020

In this comic, the crows discuss these strange times we are living in.

  • + Transcript

    These Times

    Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

    Panel 1: CROWS sit on branches in separate trees, spanning above a park path.

    CROW 1

    These are uncertain times.

    CROW 2

    Unprecedented and unusual times.

    Panel 2: CROWS face each other from the roof peaks of two houses.

    CROW 1

    Difficult times.

    CROW 2

    Dark times.

    Panel 3: CROWS distance themselves while sitting on discarded shopping carts.

    CROW 1

    Anxious and alarming times.

    Panel 4: CROWS are separated while sitting on two traffic lights.

    CROW 2

    Troubled times. Tough times.

    CROW 1

    Trying times. Testing times.

    Panel 5: CROWS are in a basketball court.

    CROW 1

    Strange times.

    CROW 2

    Stressful times.

    Panel 6: CROWS are on either end of a playground slide.

    CROW 1

    Extraordinary times.

    CROW 2

    Challenging times.

    Panel 7: CROWS come together for lunch.

    CROW 1

    We are living in interesting times.

    CROW 2

    I need a time out.

Crows and Climate Change

March 20, 2020

In this comic, the crows have a snowy exchange regarding climate change.

  • + Transcript

    Crows and Climate Change

    Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

    Panel 1: A gentle snow falls on a scenic country side. CROWS talk off panel.

    CROW 1

    You know that feeling you get when squirrels hide copious amounts of acorns in your tail feathers because you’re frozen to the ground and they’re still sore about that time you got them arrested in the park?

    CROW 2

    That’s strangely specific.

    Panel 2

    CROW 1

    Squirrels, not strangely, are jerks.

    CROW 2

    Pass me an acorn, I’m feeling peckish.

    Panel 3: Snow is getting deeper.

    CROW 1

    It’s snowing more than usual this year.

    CROW 2

    That’s climate change for you.

    Panel 4: Snow continues to fall. CROWS talk off panel.

    CROW 1

    Bah! Climate change isn’t real.

    CROW 2

    Not true.

    Panel 5: Snow is getting deeper.

    CROW 1

    Okay, maybe it’s real, but it’s natural.

    CROW 2

    Closer.

    Panel 6: Snow is piled high on the roof of a nearby house. It continues to fall. CROWS talk off panel.

    CROW 1

    Okay, humans have made it much worse, but there’s still nothing to worry about.

    CROW 2

    Almost there.

    Panel 7: Snow is falling relentlessly. CROWS are now complete buried in snow.

    CROW 1

    We’re all going to die.

    CROW 2

    You made it!

    Panel 8: Panel is completely white with snow. CROWS can not be seen, only heard, from beneath the snow.

    CROW 1

    We’re already dead, and all this snow is a construct of our dying brains easing us into the eternal void.

    CROW 2

    That would explain all the squirrels.

The Great Cawcaw

December 1, 2019

In this comic, the crows play everyone’s favourite psychic lunch game!

  • + Transcript

    The Great Cawcaw

    Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

    Panel 1: Suburban roof tops, a couple of trees. Two CROWS fly in the far distance.

    Panel 2: It’s garbage day. CROW 1, wearing a silly fez cap, stands atop a large bag of trash. CROW 2 is on the ground beside a second large bag of trash.

    CROW 1

    I will predict the contents of these containers using only the power of my mind!

    CROW 2

    Oh! I love this trick!

    Panel 3: CROW 1 leans across the black bag.

    CROW 1

    Bananas, creamed corn, possibly…toast.

    CROW 2

    Pass.

    Panel 4: The CROWS have moved to another selection of garbage. CROW 1 is situated atop a beat up garbage can. CROW 2 remains on the ground.

    CROW 1

    Spinach. Way too many chia seeds. Tofu cookie experiment.

    CROW 2

    Meh.

    Panel 5: The tallest stack of bags ever.

    CROW 1

    Diapers.

    CROW 2

    A digestif, perhaps.

    Panel 6: The CROWS stand on an old suitcase.

    CROW 1

    Psycho killer.

    CROW 2

    Qu’est-ce que c’est?

    Panel 7: The CROWS finally land on a suitable pile of trash. It includes many kitchen implements, bones, some of it is still smoking.

    CROW 1

    Burnt chicken, tears, and the failure of all things culinary.

    CROW 2

    Lunch is served!

Crows and Natural Selection

February 18, 2019

In this comic, the crows discuss how natural selection has effected their lives.

  • + Transcript

    Crows and Natural Selection

    Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

    Panel 1: Two CROWS are perched on a tree branch.

    CROW 1

    How long have we not had thumbs?

    CROW 2

    Since a little after the Therapods, I guess.

    Panel 2: The CROWS take flight, leaving the tree.

    CROW 1

    Natural Selection is such a buzzkill.

    Panel 3: The CROWS fly silently at a distance, Trees reach into the sky beneath them.

    Panel 4: The CROWS continue their flight.

    CROW 1

    We could have been 5 stories tall!

    Panel 5: As the CROWS fly, suburban rooftops come into view amongst the trees.

    CROW 1

    Fierce predators, devouring cave men!

    Panel 6: The CROWS land on the peak of a roof.

    CROW 1

    Abolishing bourgeois property through common ownership of production!

    Panel 7: Close up of CROWS.

    CROW 2

    Hold on. That last one was Communism, not Evolution.

    Panel 8: The CROWS remain perched on the roof peak.

    CROW 1

    Is there nothing dinosaurs couldn’t do?

    CROW 2

    Surviving meteor impacts seemed to be a weak point.

Crows Chewing Gum

October 21, 2018

In this comic, the crows discuss the challenges of having a sweet tooth.

  • + Transcript

    Crows Chewing Gum

    Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

    Panel 1: CROWS are hanging out in the woods. CROW 1 is blowing a large gum bubble.

    CROW 2

    Where did you get the gum?

    CROW 1

    The park.

    Panel 2: CROW 1 close up.

    CROW 1

    Technically, a kid in the park gave it to me.

    Panel 3: CROW 2 close up.

    CROW 1 (from off panel)

    Actually, he threw it at me.

    Panel 4: CROW 1 close up, pointing to his beak.

    CROW 1

    With his mouth.

    Panel 5: KID freaking out, claw of CROW 1 is grabbing the gum that has launched out of the

    kid’s mouth.

    CROW 1 (voice over)

    And by ‘threw’ I mean it kind of flew out of his teeth while he screamed ‘Stop bothering me for

    my gum, bird! Help! Help!’

    Panel 6: CROW 1 blowing gum bubble, while perched atop an Animal Control truck. He’s

    watching ANIMAL CONTROL capture SQUIRRELS off panel.

    CROW 1 (voice over)

    Then Animal Control showed up and thought the kid was freaking out about rodents, so they

    arrested all of the squirrels.

    Panel 7: CROW 1 close up, angry.

    CROW 1

    Now the squirrels are mad at me, and I have to go live with my Aunt in Minden until they get distracted by some nuts or something.

    Panel 8: CROWS are hanging out in the woods, same as panel 1.

    CROW 1 (indignant)

    So I ask you - who is the real victim here?!

    CROW 2

    This is why I only pester old men for licorice.