Yearly Problems

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: Daytime in a nondescript back alley. CROW 1 stands on the edge of a DUMPSTER, while CROW 2 looks up from deep inside the large garbage bin. They are looking for lunch, and not having much luck.

CROW 1

I don’t think it’s fair that the hoomans blame the year for all their problems.

CROW 2

Wut?

Panel 2: CROW 1, now chewing on what appears to be discarded electrical wire.

CROW 1

Imagine you’re the year, going about your yearly business - changing seasons, renewing magazines, making babies, I don’t know…when suddenly, some hoomans elect a bad leader, start a pandemic, get a lousy haircut, and then blame YOU for all of it!

Panel 3: CROW 2 is head down in the DUMPSTER,

CROW 2

Well, it’s like my Mama used to say - “Blaming celestial mechanics for your problems is far easier than finding lunch in a hardware store dumpster.”

Panel 4: CROW 1 is now chewing on MATCHES. CROW 2 is entertained as the MATCHES light up, and drop into the DUMPSTER.

CROW 1

Too true. Oh, don’t try these stick things. They are not great. 2 stars. Do not recommend.

CROW 2

Oh! They light up. That’s fun.

Panel 5: The DUMPSTER catches FIRE, and the CROWS fly away in a big hurry.

CROW 1

ACK! Not fun! It wasn’t me! The year did it! Ha ha!

CROW 2

It’s the revenge of the stoopid year! Oh, why weren’t we nicer?! Ha ha!

Panel 6: The CROWS fly off into the distance, leaving a large PLUME OF SMOKE, and a raging DUMPSTER FIRE behind them.

CROW 1

Maybe if hoomans don’t like years so much, they should just stop revolving around the sun.

CROW 2

That WOULD make all their problems go away. But don’t give them any ideas.

Death and Agatha McMurray

Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid

Panel 1: An open apartment window. The breeze moves a curtain, gently.

Panel 2: AGATHA, in comfy clothes, carries a large bowl of popcorn.

AGATHA

Munch, munch, munch.

Panel 3: AGATHA clicks a button on the remote control.

AGATHA

Munch, munch, munch.

Panel 4: AGATHA sits on her couch, in front of the tv eating her popcorn. She chokes on her snack, and dies.

AGATHA

Munch, munch, munch, munch. Choke.

Panel 5: The moment AGATHA dies, DEATH arrives. She berates him for making her wait. DEATH checks his watch, but doesn’t respond.

AGATHA

Finally! What took you so long?!

Panel 6: DEATH escorts the fuming AGATHA away.

AGATHA

This life was stupid! A lousy education, a boring job. I was miserable all of the time! All I wanted to do was make art. But I had no confidence! I took no chances! Nothing!

Panel 7: AGATHA, still ranting.

AGATHA

I want to lodge a formal complaint! Who’s in charge here, anyway? Do you have a manager? My next life better be an improvement over this one, or there’ll be hell to pay!

Panel 8: AGATHA and DEATH are gone. The apartment is empty.

Panel 9: The popcorn sits quietly on the arm of the couch.

Panel 9: Suddenly, DEATH pops back into frame. He grabs a hand full of popcorn. He apparently kind of loves popcorn.

DEATH

Mmm…

Panel 10: DEATH exits, leaving a trail of popcorn behind.

DEATH

Munch, munch, munch.