Existential Sweater – Survival Anxiety

Existential Sweater

May 22, 2019

Tags: existentialism, rubber duck, sweater 

+ Transcript
Existential Sweater
Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid
Panel 1: A SWEATER lays on a bathroom floor. A RUBBER DUCK sits perched on the edge of the tub.
SWEATER
Why am I here?
Panel 2: SWEATER continues.
SWEATER
Is this all there is to life?
Panel 3: An assortment of shampoo bottles are covered in the bubbles from a recent bath.
Panel 4: Towels hang on the towel rod, rather uncaringly.
Panel 5: SWEATER continues.
SWEATER
What is my purpose?
Panel 4: RUBBER DUCK speaks up from her perch on the edge of the tub.
RUBBER DUCK
You keep a human warm. That is your purpose.
Panel 5: SWEATER lays awkwardly on the tile floor.
SWEATER
The world is meaningless and I’m a cozy sweater?
Panel 6: RUBBER DUCK continues.
RUBBER DUCK
This morning you were also a bath mat. That could be your purpose.
SWEATER
God really is dead.
Panel 7: Inert shampoo bottles on the edge of the tub, and the shower curtain listen in. Or maybe not. They’re inert, so who knows. RUBBER DUCK mostly just wants this conversation to end now.
RUBBER DUCK
Oh! I know. Your synthetic fibres are killing lots of marine life.
SWEATER
I’m a murderer?!
Panel 8: SWEATER and RUBBER DUCK conclude their discussion in the bathroom.
RUBBER DUCK
I was thinking more like an environmental concern, but whatever floats your boat.
SWEATER
Cozy sweater is good. Let’s not talk anymore.
<div class="no-script"><p style="text-align: left;">Existential Sweater</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 1: A SWEATER lays on a bathroom floor. A RUBBER DUCK sits perched on the edge of the tub.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">SWEATER</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Why am I here?</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 2: SWEATER continues.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">SWEATER</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Is this all there is to life?</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 3: An assortment of shampoo bottles are covered in the bubbles from a recent bath.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 4: Towels hang on the towel rod, rather uncaringly.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 5: SWEATER continues.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">SWEATER</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">What is my purpose?</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 4: RUBBER DUCK speaks up from her perch on the edge of the tub.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">RUBBER DUCK</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">You keep a human warm. That is your purpose.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 5: SWEATER lays awkwardly on the tile floor.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">SWEATER</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">The world is meaningless and I’m a cozy sweater?</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 6: RUBBER DUCK continues.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">RUBBER DUCK</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">This morning you were also a bath mat. That could be your purpose.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">SWEATER</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">God really is dead.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 7: Inert shampoo bottles on the edge of the tub, and the shower curtain listen in. Or maybe not. They’re inert, so who knows. RUBBER DUCK mostly just wants this conversation to end now.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">RUBBER DUCK</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Oh! I know. Your synthetic fibres are killing lots of marine life.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">SWEATER</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">I’m a murderer?!</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 8: SWEATER and RUBBER DUCK conclude their discussion in the bathroom.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">RUBBER DUCK</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">I was thinking more like an environmental concern, but whatever floats your boat.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">SWEATER</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Cozy sweater is good. Let’s not talk anymore.</p></div>
Crows and Natural Selection was published before this post.
Robot Blames the Universe was published after it.