Survival Anxiety

Stress Distress

December 30, 2020




Tags: catharsis, de-stress, Francis the sheep, Robot, stress, time travel 

+ Transcript
Stress Distress
Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid
Panel 1: EXT., DAY, SNOW PLANET. ROBOT and FRANCIS, terrified, hide behind a boulder. Vicious ZOMBIE SNOW BEASTS look everywhere for them.
FRANCIS
I’m fairly certain this excursion is taking years off my life.
ROBOT
Really? Which years, do you think?
FRANCIS
Beg pardon?
Panel 2
ROBOT
I read this very scientific study that said stress, while already universally disliked for being an all-round jerk, can also travel through time and space to affect any part of your life.
Panel 3
ROBOT
For example, your stress from these Zombie Snow Beasts is transmitting through time and space as we speak. It might travel backwards, and be the reason you felt sad and alone for two weeks in the farmyard paddock as a young lamb.
Panel 4: A diagram shows how the stress from the ZOMBIE SNOW BEASTS could potentially affect FRANCIS throughout her entire life, traveling back in time to make her sad in the paddock, or possibly traveling forward and killing her with a heart attack tomorrow. Several unrelated moments in FRANCIS’s life are also labelled on her time line: birthday, electric fence (yikes), hay bail concussion, meets Robot, angry crow incident, and space piranhas.
Panel 5
ROBOT
Or it might travel forward and kill you with a heart attack tomorrow. This is why stress doesn’t get invited to any fun parties.
Panel 6
FRANCIS
This universe is really stupid. I want my years back!
ROBOT
Not to worry, I’ve got just the thing.
Panel 7: Robot pulls out two very large blaster gun things. CATHARSIS! RAY™ appears above them, as the ZOMBIE SNOW BEASTS are now aware of them.
Panel 8: ROBOT and FRANCIS blast all of the ZOMBIE SNOW BEASTS with the CATHARSIS! RAY™ blaster gun thingies.
Panel 9: More blasting.
Panel 10
FRANCIS
I feel ten years younger!!
ROBOT
That’s probably radiation. These things are not safe at all.
<div class="no-script"><p style="text-align: left;">Stress Distress</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Comic written and illustrated by Ryan Reid</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 1: EXT., DAY, SNOW PLANET. ROBOT and FRANCIS, terrified, hide behind a boulder. Vicious ZOMBIE SNOW BEASTS look everywhere for them.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">FRANCIS</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">I’m fairly certain this excursion is taking years off my life.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">ROBOT</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Really? Which years, do you think?</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">FRANCIS</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Beg pardon?</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 2</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">ROBOT</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">I read this very scientific study that said stress, while already universally disliked for being an all-round jerk, can also travel through time and space to affect any part of your life.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 3</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">ROBOT</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">For example, your stress from these Zombie Snow Beasts is transmitting through time and space as we speak. It might travel backwards, and be the reason you felt sad and alone for two weeks in the farmyard paddock as a young lamb.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 4: A diagram shows how the stress from the ZOMBIE SNOW BEASTS could potentially affect FRANCIS throughout her entire life, traveling back in time to make her sad in the paddock, or possibly traveling forward and killing her with a heart attack tomorrow. Several unrelated moments in FRANCIS’s life are also labelled on her time line: birthday, electric fence (yikes), hay bail concussion, meets Robot, angry crow incident, and space piranhas.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 5</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">ROBOT</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Or it might travel forward and kill you with a heart attack tomorrow. This is why stress doesn’t get invited to any fun parties.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 6</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">FRANCIS</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">This universe is really stupid. I want my years back!</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">ROBOT</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Not to worry, I’ve got just the thing.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 7: Robot pulls out two very large blaster gun things. CATHARSIS! RAY™ appears above them, as the ZOMBIE SNOW BEASTS are now aware of them.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 8: ROBOT and FRANCIS blast all of the ZOMBIE SNOW BEASTS with the CATHARSIS! RAY™ blaster gun thingies.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 9: More blasting.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Panel 10</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">FRANCIS</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">I feel ten years younger!!</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">ROBOT</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">That’s probably radiation. These things are not safe at all.</p></div>
Tough Crowd was published before this post.